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THE UNOFFICIAL GUIDE TO “BEING A WOMAN”…

January 15, 2016
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A friend recently sent me the link to Goldman Sachs “Unofficial guide to being a man“, so in the spirit of equality, I thought I’d put a little something something together for the fairer sex.

  1. Keep a $50 note hidden in your purse for “emergencies”.
  2. Remember that hobby you did when you were 10 and loved it? Do it again. Regularly.
  3. Never wear crocs. Ever.
  4. If you think it’s too tight or too short, it probably is. Change. Presentation is a sign of self-respect. Keep it classy.
  5. Be smart with your money. Invest in a financial advisor. Save. Build a share portfolio.
  6. Make your mistakes in your 20’s and lots of them. It’s how we learn to become women in our 30’s.
  7. Never date a man your friend has been with. Even if she says it’s ok. She doesn’t mean it and it isn’t.
  8. Invest in a decent facial moisturiser. Your skin will thank you for it.
  9. Find an exercise you like and keep with it. Consistency is key.
  10. Always have your own bank account which only you can access. Even if you never have to use it. It’s there just in case as there are no guarantees in life, especially where men are concerned.
  11. Find a good hairdresser. Invest in quality cuts and colours.
  12. Release unfaithful lovers. You want a Don Juan in the sheets, not in the streets.
  13. Don’t accept every invitation offered. You don’t need to go to the opening of an envelope.
  14. Let the man buy you a drink. It’s called a gesture. There’s no need to take offence.
  15. When in doubt throw it out. This refers to EVERYTHING. Men, clothes, jobs, friends and food. Gut instinct is your best guide. And often the smell. Especially with the food.
  16. Take your work email account off your phone. Switch off when not at work and enjoy down time doing something you love.
  17. Maintain relationships with your girlfriends. Men come and go. Good friends last a lifetime.
  18. Learn how to change a tyre.
  19. Sexual attraction doesn’t grow. It’s there or it’s not.
  20. Resist the urge to air your dirty laundry on social media. Once it’s out there you can’t take it back.
  21. Wax. Always wax.
  22. Forget about your lumps and bumps. Life is short. Men don’t notice anyway. And if they do, who cares. It’s not going to deter them from the “pot of gold”.
  23. Learn your alcohol limits. Adhere to them. Take two echinacea before bed and wake up fresh without fail.
  24. Remove “trend speak” from your vocabulary. Using fml, lol, idk, yolo, just sayin’, I know right, on point, on fleek, squad, bae and like only serves to communicate a lack of originality. Find your own voice. Use it.
  25.  If you don’t love it, don’t buy it. Quality over quantity. Always. Everytime.
  26. When splitting the bill with friends, be the one to pay a little more. You can always earn more money and giving feels good.
  27. Try before you buy. Always live with a man before you marry him. Always sleep with a man before you move in with him.   
  28. If it feels good, do it. If it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it.
  29. We’re all going to take saucy photos and send them to lovers. Just make sure your face isn’t in them. You never know what your dearest may do with them.
  30. Read the fine print and never sign anything you don’t fully understand.
  31. Be emotionally and financially self-sufficient.
  32. Don’t chase men. Men don’t appreciate women unless they’ve had to work for them. They’ll be in touch if they’re interested.
  33. Read at least one new book a month. Throw a few non-fictions in the mix.
  34. Sex is important. Find a man you can have sex with when you’re 70. Yes it happens. Perhaps not without aid but it happens.
  35. Understand enough about politics to know which party you support and why.
  36. Cold turkey is best in break ups. It’s hard to get over someone if you’re still seeing them and no you can’t be friends. Make a clean break and forget about the “what if’s”.
  37. If you rely mainly on your looks to get ahead, find a new strategy. Looks fade, but humour, character and personality never grow old.
  38. You have a purpose. Everyone does. Find yours and fight for that fairy tale.
  39. When in doubt about making a decision, ask yourself “Will I regret not doing this when I’m 50?”. If the answer is yes, do it.
  40. Stop taking selfies. Enjoy the moment. Your fans will survive without knowing what you ate for dinner and what you wore while eating it.
  41. Date multiple men. Never settle for the first one you meet. You will grow a great deal over the next 20 years and the boy for you at 17 isn’t likely to be the man for you when you’re 37.
  42. Never justify your decisions. They’re yours. No need to explain. If questioned, smile and say “because I felt like it”.
  43. Be single for at least 3 years of your life. Have fun. Take holidays with your girlfriends. Say yes to adventures.
  44. Delete the word “can’t” from your vocabulary. You’re an intelligent woman. You’ll work it out.
  45. Have at least one nice handbag, watch and pair of shoes. Invest in quality.
  46. Find a man who you connect with spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. Appreciate him.
  47. Be a single mother. If you haven’t met the “man of your dreams” and your biological clock is ticking, set yourself up financially and go for it.
  48. Try to get at least 8 hours sleep per night. You’ll look younger for it.
  49. Stand up for what you believe in, even in the face of opposition. Especially in the face of opposition.
  50. You are the boss of you. Never forget that.

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