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MY BREAKFAST TRAIN WRECK

August 8, 2014
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I love the idea of being healthy. I stalk paleo Instagram pages with fervour, am randomly buying recipe e-books like “Eat Drink Paleo” and “I quit sugar“, have followed “The Natural Nutritionist” for quite some time and am forever on the hunt for “healthy” recipes which have no more than 3 ingredients and taste like a culinary masterpiece. Health. See. I’m all over it.

In the spirit of my constant search for healthiness, I took myself off to a “Strength & Conditioning” class at The Tuf Club this morning. It was taken by a chap called Nigel. Post class I confided in Nigel my desire to be “toned” by Christmas, thereby looking good in my bikinis that I will no doubt be purchasing between now and then. Nigel, in all his wisdom, advised that a lot of it was what you eat. Fine fine, I assured him I would take care of the eating situation. He recommended heading home immediately to partake in some form of protein smoothie to take advantage of all the “strength” and “conditioning” I had just undergone.

Luckily for me, several months ago, again in my constant search for healthiness, I had procured this tub of Vital Pea Protein recommended by someone whom I clearly felt at the time had enough credibility for me to purchase it. Pea protein was meant to be the peas knees. (Get it, do you see what I did there? Are you impressed? Of course you are!). So I bought it. Never mind that I actually had never opened it or tasted the goodness that was sure to be inside.

The holy grail of protein powder. Or so I thought.

After receiving Nigel’s sage advice, I rushed home post class to put together ALL the random ingredients I had bought over the past 6 months. This included but was not limited to bee pollen (not sure how this one got past me), maca powder (thanks Loving Earth – love you long time!), lacuma powder (still no idea what that even is), chia seeds, shredded coconut, manuka honey (because normal honey just simply WON’T do!), half a frozen banana, almond milk and the crowning glory, the pea protein powder!

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Impending doom, right here.

Into my little processor it went! Buzz buzz buzz. I was positive that what was about to occur would be nothing short of a party in my mouth. I was 100% positive. I undid the top, took a sip and OH MY GOD! It was the WORST thing I’ve ever tried! EVER! In all my life and all my culinary disasters. This. Was. The. Worst. I am not even sure what made it so bad. I think it was the pea protein, which is now headed for the bin!

I wasn’t going to let this pea protein have the last laugh however! I wasn’t to be thwarted. I tried again. Take 2, as it were! I thought, well, clearly I’m not a food scientist but there will be some others who are! I had recently stumbled across a website and had noted in the recesses of my mind that they had smoothie recipes. One was entitled the “Paleo Superfood Smoothie”. This sounded VERY healthy to me and wouldn’t you know, I had all the ingredients! So onwards and upwards.

I washed out my processor, popped all the ingredients in and buzz buzz buzz! Undid the lid (with relish this time), knowing full well it WAS indeed going to be a party in my mouth. Down the hatch! Annnddd no party. Not even a get together.  Admittedly it wasn’t the technicolor yawn of its predecessor but it still left me underwhelmed. Enter perplexity. What to do, what do?

My new friend Georgia, health aficionado AND also the NSW Crusader for the League of Extraordinary Women, had recently passed on a you beaut breakfast recipe she swears by. It has the following, VERY healthy ingredients:

1/2 cup oats

1 tbs chia seeds

1 tbs shredded coconut

1 tsp cinnamon

almond milk

Cover dry ingredients with almond milk, mix and let soak in the fridge overnight. I had been doing this for the past week or so with great success. My sister (hi Carlie!) suggested I grate an apple into it, add a bit of water, mix and heat up in the microwave which had been fabulous! I had pre-prepared a batch of this for this morning’s breakfast however after my good friend Nigel advised I need MORE protein, I had opted for the protein smoothie.

Well, not to be outdone, I whipped out my pre-prepared batch of muesli, put a saucepan on the stove (microwave died – a story for another day), plopped in some muesli and then used my “Paleo Superfood Smoothie gone wrong” into it instead of the water. Voila! A great breakfast was had by all! And by all I mean me! As there was raw cacao powder in the superfood smoothie, my muesli had taken on a chocolatey taste which was very much to my liking!

I want you to use the image above as a WARNING to everyone what NOT to put in a smoothie as you will surely die of your taste buds declaring war on you! Trust me. It almost happened to me this morning. Fortunately, I was able to rally and come up with Plan B and then C to appease them. My taste buds and I are now friends again.

Until lunch.

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